I got married and had a baby in the same night

I had a dream that happened once... i married my aunts boyfriend and the on my wedding night a screaming baby appeared and he left. woooo.
But thats nto what i was going to write about. I was going to write about my puppy, that i got tuesday. He names Purple, and shes purebred rottwieler (those of you who are scared of rottis, pffftt) and getting her was like getting married. I mean (some of you have heard this already lol) I was happy, but scared of the responsibility. I was worried i picked the wrong puppy, but i love her all the same. And plus, its signing up up to have her til she dies. thats a long time. (well, ill prolly be going to college in a couple years but...) . and then, when i had her in her kennel in my room for the night, and she was howling, she was like a baby, waking me up various times during the night. So i just thought... i got married and had a baby on the same night. and i thought you might want to know lol. Guys, not only am i married, i have a daughter, so youre TOO LATE!

Love~~
Monika :-)

I realized on the bus that i forgot to put on socks this morning

at least i didnt forget my pants or something.

Today, i just want to say, mowing the lawn sucks. You walk over every square foot of yard, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. for hours straight, maybe a couple days in a row. Some of you may be like "well, i have a riding lawnmower so bleah *sticks out tounge*" but, doesnt driving back and forth get boring?
And that obnoxious lawn-mower-noise, thats just lown enough that you cant put on your CD player over it. mowing the lawn is just like;
mmmmmrrrrmmmmmmmmmrrrrr
back and forth
mmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrrrrrmmmrr
back and forth
mrmrmrmrrrrmmmmmrrrrrrmmmm
back and forth
*at this point you start to zone out and go on mental 'autopilot,' after all youve mowed the yard so many times you know where to go*
mmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrr
back
mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmmmrr
forth
mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmr*ka THUNK*
"dude i think i hit a rock" *noone hears you anyhow* *shrugs*
back and forth
mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmr
back and forth
mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmr


woooooo. You know i heard some guys like mowing the lawn, i dunno some 'guy thing'. Well, if anyone wants to come mow MY lawn; ill go out with you for a month at least. No sex though, sorry. lol. and if we hit it off then we can get married and you can mow my lawn forever! ;-).


Love~
Monika :-)

Dont Judge Me

Im going on a tirade.
Dont judge me when you dont even know me. Dont control my life until yours is working out. Dont write me off because im different. Dont ignore me because im younger than you. Dont put me down because of who i am. Dont make up stories about me. Dont treat me one way and expect me to be there. I wont be friends with you because you think i should be. I wont be there for you if youre never there for me. Im not your maid. I didnt sign up to be your friend, i am because i want to be,
so dont think youre 'taking me in', because i can stop. Friends are there for each other. Friends are supportive. Theyre honest, they care, theyre patient, they sacrifice. Why should i sacrifice everything for someone whos just going to put me down. I hope you understand, because the world needs a wakeup call. The way people treat people makes me mad. Friendship takes effort. Dont expect to just skate through it, or all youre going to have is fights.

just had to get that out

-M

Broadcasting Live from Upstate NY

woo i can have a cool font because im on a dell *smiles*.

That was professional sounding.

Guess what i had for breakfast today? A bagel! yummers :-).

I have a special thanks-
I want to say thank you to the people that read this blog that ive never met. Ive gotten two comments from those people, and maybe a few more have read this. I really look forward to getting your comments, they make me feel all warm and funny inside :-D. Now dont you feel special. You can email me at urban_cowgurl9@hotmail.com (dont laugh i made that email addy a million years ago. Didnt think i was that old huh) or you ( i accidently typed uoi)
cant IM me (AIM) at scaredbyme72. Im online almost everyday and ill reply ASAP.

Other than that i dont have much to say, and im in school so im keeping this short. Im going to put a link on YM.com for thisblog, and seeif anyone else comes to read it. Tell your friends. I have some more stories and such that im putting up., probably later today, after i draw my friend marvin the marvin. my friend isnt marvin the martian, she just wants a drawing of marvin the martian. I felt that needed to be clarified.

Im going to shut my mouth, well, stop my fingers from typing, and be done now before you get bored and dont read anymore and dont leave a comment and dont come back and dont tell your friends. And then id be sad. and all because i didnt shut up today.

Love;;
Monika :-)
(i cant dot my 'i' with a heart :-(. how very depressing. )

Carbonation can make you cry

and so can boys. What i mean to say is my date for homecomign stodd me up, and when i was standing outside waiting for him, it started to rain. my dress got ruined, i borrwed someones cellphone, and my dadd came and picked me up, sobbing and dripping, from the school parkinglot. As for carbonation, I have eaten bagels with cream cheese and Mountain Dew for every meal for 3 years.

Well, not quite.

The bagel thing, well, i love bagels. i dont mean just love, i mean LOVE. They are the food i know that i wil never get tired of, and i eat them all the time. mmmmmm bagels :-) with mmmm cream cheese...

The boy thing... well everyone knows that boys make you cry. Even if my homecomign experience was not really even close to being that dramatic and heartbreaking. I couldve said my boyfriend of 2 years stood me up, to make it even worse. But its not true. I just didnt get to dance with someone that i wanted to. And then i came home, and i cried. because of lots fo reasons. But i dont think you want to hear my story... so i will shut my mouth! And go eat bagels!

Yesterday- All Dolled Up. Today- Back to Denim.
That was the original title for this blog, btu then i went and got a bagel and Dr. pepper and i thought of the one i used and its so much better. I was going to tell about my dress (which is really ashleys that she never wore so i stole it). it was so pretty! It was long, and blue, and all sparkles, and spagetti straps. I actually felt a little not-ugly for once :-P. And i stole alyssas shoes, and they were so close to being too small. I mean if my foot was
1/4 of an inch bigger, they would not have fit. I hate having big feet.
oh well. god made me special and He loves me very much! :-D! *sings the veggietales theme song*. ahem. The day after i go to bed uhh sad lets say, im hyper. its funny.

Now, im going to go, and... oh, maybe i should do some homework huh.
perhaps.

*smiles*

Love and such~
(hee)
Monika

If, for any reason, you want to go left, turn right rapidly three times

So, ive been thinking about life in genral lately (and how it sucks) and abotu how i dont want to get older, because it seems like being older is boring. I mean, you live in a house, married to someone, maybe with kids, you go grocery shopping, maybe have a job, its all the same. every day. Each has slight variations, but i mean theres nothing much interestingly different. So, i thought of several different ways my life could go, youll have to let me know which one youll think ill end up living. (lol these were fun)

The Lawyer-
Im going to graduate highschool, go to college at harvard, and be a lawyer in NYC. Ill live in a really nice apartment, and never get married.

The NYC Party Girl-
Ill date ruch guys in NYC, go to alot of parties, live in a nice apartment (that my boyfriends pay for), and have a part-time lousy job. Ill have oodles of friends, and one of my boyfriends will get me a really nice car.

The Doublewide-
Ill get married straight out of highschool, probably to a guy who didnt finish highschool, and go live in a trailer (a doublewide if im lucky). Ill eat
greasy food ( lol ill be a doublewide), and have a million kids.

The Country Girl-
Ill meet a preppy guy at a ski resort. Well get married after months of dating. Well live in a little cabin on a hill in the woods. (and he'll have a private plane that he flies to work)

Ah, the Suburbs-
highschool, a small college, get married some guy that i met in college, maybe have a couple kids, hell have a 9-5 job, our house will be a little messy, well probably have obnoxious neigbors, i wont leave the house much. This is how most people end up.

The Bus-
Ill graduate highschool, go to college for a couple years then drop out, buy a bus, pack up everything i own, and maybe a boyfriend, and drive all over the US. When we need money, park for a few days, and work odd jobs for people. Itll be us and the road, and itll be wonderful. Itll be different every day. This is the life i want but could probably never have.

The [country] Star-
ill suddenly discover i have some musical talent, and make it big! wooo!
I wont date anybody because ill be afraid they only want me for my money.

The School-
Im going to take ashley, and we are going to buy an old school, and we are going to live in it. Well have BMX bikes to get around it fast, and decorate all the classrooms with themes. The Red room, the blue room, the giraffe room........ and when someone came to spend the night, they could pick their favorite thing. or maybe it could be a hotel.

The Castle in Europe-
ME AND MR MACNAUGHT! Im going to kidnap him from his wife and we'll live in a castle in europe. and if his wife tries to get us, or the cops, the alligators in the moat will get them! mauahaha

The Teacher-
Ill be a teacher for elementary school, and none will go out with me because theyll think im wierd.

The Radio Celebrity-
ON WBEE! I said this before, and ill say it again. I would live in rochester along the highway, with nothing but a portable radio and the clothes on my back, and ill collect cans along the road for money to bu batteries, just to listen to WBEE. And to work there, i would scrub everything with a toothbrush, every day, for some wee little amount of pay, just to work there. and, like i said before, that is love, people. And not to mention id get to be buddies with Newman. :-*

The Surgeon-
We wont even go there. Me with a knife cutting people up... yeeaaahh...

and i think it will end there for now today kids. Please come again!
(that was a mix between a PBS kids show person, and a flight attendant. two jobs which were nto covered (yet!))

Byes!
Miniak
what the heck. I cannot type today.
MONIKA

The voice from the underground

*shhh*
im in school at a computer facing the rest of the room. On this website, and AIM, illegally. This is a very dangerous mission. However, i am armed with a mouse, and with a single click i can cover all the illegal stuff (for lack of a better word at the moment). I just have to click on the right window, which is a wonderful isreali-palestinian conflict article with badly done graphics for gloal studies. I have a quiz on this stuff friday, but i love you more. I wont fail global, dont worry. It doesnt take much effort to pass... So. I think im being followed... and its scaring me... yeah hes on the computer next to me.
So, i dont really know what to write. I wonder if my typing is annoying people, or Mr DeVona is going to come and see what a lovely "essay" im typing. That would be funny. Im sorry, but id laugh. Think hed like to read my blog? Maybe. ppeerrrhhaaapppss.
Homecoming is saturday. Since our school i so little we dont have a football team, im not exactly sure how this is working... the soccer/field hockey homecoming i guess. wooo. But saturday is also my dadds birthday, and thats not good. I want to go. Im being good, my mom said its scaring her that im being so reasonable this week. well, i want to be better. because the current monika sucks lol. she needs to die. so im killing her. And then you willall meet the awesome mercedes, who right now is trapped inside the icky monika. Maybe i wont comletely be mercedes, but more of her.youll see. we shall try. I think though, that mercedes would have someone to take her to homecoming. while i dont. :-(. none loves me. or likes me even. even as a friend. everyone has somebody to go with but me. but ill deal. itll be fun, if i go. :-D.
I was bothering someone with my excessive typing, so i should go.

I LOVE YOU!
(the risk that i went through to write this should be enough proof)
~Monika

IM CHEATING ON YOU!

so, you all wonder why i havent been here lately. you ask questions behind my back. I have heard the talk. And guess what. its all true. im having an affair. Hes british. and he takes care of me, unlike you. and im sorry.... will you forgive me? well, it doesnt matter, because im leaving you for him. I dont want you to call me, i dont want to talk. The kids? I dont want the kids. theyre yours. you keep them. And you can tell them what a you-know-what thier mommy was too. because they probably wont hear from me either. Im starting over. A new slate. hes going to buy me new clothes even. What about my stuff? I dont want it. burn it. give it to charity. wear it if you want. that red dress, thats really your color. you might have to lose some weight to fit into it though. Or maybe a lot. Whatre you going to do? go back to school, you really could use an education. or maybe get a better job, since i wont be around to help pay the bills. And since im going to be gone, youre going to have to cook too. You wont be able to afford takeout every night. And get a babysitter. Man, i should write you a list. And dont even think about getting another girlfriend. you wont be able to, dressed like that. with your kids and your sucky job. you better get to work. And get used to it, cause youre going to be doing it for awhile. youre lucky i was with you this long. why am i leaving? I think the question is, why should i stay? whats here? not much.
and when i can have everything, theres no reason to stay. And i have had everything for the past few months. But you, you couldnt even tell. You, and your part0time job, come home, read the blog, sit on the couch. Well, youre going to learn to pull your weight now, bud. All of it. alone.

I LOVE YOU ASHLEY

This whole post is dedicated to you because you are awesome. You see, when i did the last post, i was not having a good day and i was typing very blank-mindedly. I forgot you ashley, i forgot to cafeteria people.... it was a horrible masscre of thanks. So i hope youll forgive me.
ASHLEY and AMANDA just had thier birthday on friday, they are 15 now (finally) and i went to thier hosue with kate, becky and alyssa and it was fun! But im not going to sing happy birthday.
And we watched the blair witch project and it was scary. even in the daylight.
And i ate 8-9 slices of pizza, and a big peice of cake, and mountain dew, and orange juice, and it was good.
:-)
i have to go, my parents want some 'alone' time. yeah, yikes. so....
bye!
*runs fast*


Love~
Monika

I'd like to thank...

Id like to to thank the bagel company and the cream cheese company for making me look forward to waking up.
Id like to thank my black shirt for being on top of the clothes in my drawer this morning, because i didnt feel like looking for anything to wear.
My bus driver, for driving me to school, and even back home again, even though she was cold.
Aaron for opening my locker this morning when i couldnt.
Becky for her spectacular hugs and funny times during gym class, and missing... certain people... with me.
Alyssa for letting me read her global notes, so i would know what the heck the quiz was on.
The three penguins on my pillow, for thier six shoulders (do penguins have shoulders?) that were there for me to cry on last night.
blogspot for letting my thank everyone.
AIM for letting me talk to my friends, even though noone is IMing me
WBEE for being awesome, even though their station is in rochester and i cant hear it right now. NEWMAN I LOVE YOU!!! I would go and live on the streets in rochester with a portable radio, and find cans for money to buy batteries, just to listen to that station. THAT is love, people.
scissors and magazine publishers and people, so i can make collages.
Various music artists of various genres for making me happy, sad, angry, and dance-y :-)
AVON for yummy smelling stuff!!!!!
converse, for being great shoes. Especially when i can barely walk from wearing heels for four days straight and i need something else to wear. my faithful pink and black mesh weapon re-issues will always be #1 in my shoe pile!
lets see....
Dish network for cable! that we dont have! and roadrunner and all other DSL and cable internet providers, for thier services! that i dont have!
Garnier for awesome shampoo!

im done now, i mean theres more, but youll thank me for stopping now lol

Love; hugs; and :-*
Monika

Your Questions About Blogs and Blogging-- ANSWERED!

I am sitting here, in all my wisdom and my sparkly red shirt, and my gym shorts, and my red slippers, to answer your questions about blogs. because people have asked me these couple things like, alot, so here you go. theres only like 2, but maybe i will think of more before i am done typing.

Q- What IS a blog?
A- A blog is like an online journal, but you dont have to write about your life. You can write about politics (theres alot of politic blogs), short stories, advice columns (i want to start one!), funny AIM convos (http://hystericalthings.blogspot.com for instance, run by none other than ashley!),Blogs to answer questions about blogs (lol), or just whatever, like this one.

Q- How do you get a blog?
A- Go to Blogspot.com, and its free! Its all really easy to do, you dont have to know any HTML or anything (unless you want to put in pictures and such in your posts). And when you sign up just put in a fake address and stuff, its cool. There was some confusion on the signup forms, but just look at it,after you figure it out its okay.

Q- Why would anyone want to write in a blog?
A- BECAUSE!! I bet you need more of an answer than that though, because thats just how people are these days *rolls eyes*. I will tell you my reason. I write in a blog because i like to. I like the fact that people can read whatever i feel like writing. It doesnt mean they do, but its available to them. People like becky choose to read it, people like willie chose not to.
but its there!

Q- What do you do when you dont have naythign to write about?
A- start typing randomly. talk about the spool of thread in front of you, your pants, your parents Mobil Cash Card. Just type. It will come to you.

Q- What if i dont have time?
A- make some. get up earlier, go to bed later, do your homework witha flashlight so you can use your awake time to blog. Sneak entries during school. Do what you must. Blogging is king.

Q- What can you NOT write about in a blog?
A- if you just write about your life, or just politics, it gets boring. Mix it up a little. you dont want people to fall asleep reading it, and drool in their keyboard and short it out then sue you. (you guys are still awake right...)
And keep it pretty clean you know. theres little children out there! They can get corrupted at alot of places, but your blog doesn thave to be one of them

Q- How often should i blog?
A- A few times a week. doesnt have to be everyday. with school starting this week i havent been so good, but now im in my groove and its cool. 3+ times a week is good.

Q- How do i know if people read my blog?
A- the duh answer is to look for comments. otherwise, maybe they are but they arent commenting. in which case IM people and ask them. or if you dont have IM ask them in person.... but if you have a blog and not an Im service.... *shakes head*. And, maybe people arent. You could have zero readers. I might. but i keep going :-) cause i love it and thats what matters.

Now im going to go and wander cyberspace aimlessly. thank you for reading, it is very much appreciated!


LOVE!!
Monika :-)

hewwo

Im more bored (border?) than steve lol.

so this is short and sweet, i thought of an awesome name for my puppy today, and there is nothing else.

Love, hugs, and everything else~~
Monika :-)

"Now you go straight to that blog page, you hear? Dont go wandering cyberspace!"

Now that title (I love titles. with a blog, its all in the title, in a story, its all in the ending) has a double meaning. its means for you all to get your butts over here and read this blog (BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE, haha just kidding :-P), and it means for this entry to actually publish after i click the publish button button. because the last entry (see, i havent abandoned you all, and if you thought i did, shame on you!) snuck out and wandered away. it wasnt very good at following orders. So its #1 on my official AHIN Most Wanted list. Please read the following notice.

AHIN #1 MOST WANTED
blog entry
about 200 words (*shrugs* random guesses are fun)
kind of depressing slash angry (its more fun to type 'slash' than /)
black and white
lots of shorter sentences
he may be going under any title. be on the lookout.
HE MAY BE ARMED AND DANGEROUS!
*a gun pops out of your speaker* 'tell noone where i am!'

:-) if you hear from him, let us know okay? IM me at scaredbyme72, or call... 639.... im kidding. Scary stalker people are out there. MAYBE I HAVE FANS!! no, i dont. i have some cool friends that read this though. If you have never met me, and you read this post, you should comment you know. It would make me feel incredibly special! *smiles*.
Lets see.... i went back to school tuesday. i love it. Thats enough about my life. :-P.
well, i know this is kinda short, but im going to go anf talk to people and such, im a wee bit tired and i have a quiz tomorrow, and a meeting with my guidance counselor. And i must get my way! And when my mind is sharp i can argue well! *gets an evil gleam in her eyes*
Paul gave me this whole thing on how i look, and it was pretty cool, ill have to write it about it. Now? would you liek to hear it now? or later? later okay byes.... haha kidding ill do it now or ill forget. I dont know why youd want to read this but it kinda made me feel special. He (paul is the youth leader at my church hes awesome and great to talk to about stuff) said that i looked like the musical type. But maybe thats the looks im going for. he said that i look like i dont care, but you can tell that i do kind of care [how i look/what i wear]. I dress 'artistic' he said. Paul thinks alot (in case you couldnt tell) and i didnt really know that he could get all that from my fairly-normal clothes. i try to be a little different, but uptodate... you know... lol. I wear what i like i guess. my computer i gettign wierd so im gonna go before this dies or soemthing equally tragic.

Love you all tons,
Yes even those of you who i dont know :-)
--Monika

Bad Mood Ramblings

i feel like crap. i see people hanging out with their friends, and i feel like i dont have any. I see girls and guys, happy to be together, and i feel lonely. I feel like im not good enough to have someone like that, otherwise i would. I feel so incredibly lonely that it hurts lately, and that makes me depressed, which makes me want to eat, which makes me fat, which makes me more self-conscious. And i just feel more worthless. its like, what am i here for? I cant do anything. I dont really have any talents. Im just...me. i cant start a conversation. I cant figure things out. i cant play sports. despite what you say, i cant really draw. Im not pretty. im not really good at anything in school. i cant make people happy. I cant figure out who i am. im overly dependent on other people. i am nothing. youll all see. get to know me? whats there to know. nothing really. nothing youd wanna hear. some of you wont believe me. i know you. well its true. so youll have to deal with it, and so will i. Ill just live in my hole in nebraska.
my parents expect the worst. they always have. i used to try my best, but they kept accusing me. So i lived up to their expectations, or should i say down. but they didnt even care enough to notice. they just keep accusing me. since thats what they expected, thats what they got. And it hurts, that i changed, that they dont care, that i cant be good enough. I want to be, but im sick of trying to please everyone. when someones not happy with me, they think i dont care. well i do. and i want to make people happy. but i cant please everyone, and im sorry for that. along with everyone else theres little me too. sometimes i cant help thinkin about me, btu that just makes more people mad. Im sorry. i cant do it. i dont want you mad, or to thinkt hat i prefer someone else over you, or that im mad at you. sometimes though, a choice has to be made, and i cant make everyone happy. people dont understand. Well maybe they do, im sure they do, someone does, but i just dont see it.

--monika

oh yeah, well BLOG THIS!!!!

:-P. I have the "Blog This!" button on my favorites bar and its always seemed threatening to me.... but im just wierd like that so.
I was laying bed last night, and i was thinking of all this cool stuff i could write about, and then i was thinking, monika, you should write it down, because you know youll forget it. And i just reassured myself, you know ill just repeat it a few times i wont forget its too cool. But here i am. and sure enough, its all gone. poof. there is nothing. I was right.Well, half of me was right and half was wrong. I finished Secret Window last night, and it was talking about at the end how Mort was really two different people, and when one half of him did something, the other half didnt even know. So today when my dadd was yelling at everyone pver dinner, trying to find out who dented his car, i was like WHAT IF I DID IT?! and i was like almost hyperventilating. It was scary.
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE. I got my typewriter ribbon today isnt that so awesome. Now i can type up that 5 1/2 pages i wrote yesterday while in the middle of doing the dishes and taking the clothes off the line. I was taking a sheet off, and my brain, (maybe the other monika, aka mercedes) started telling this story, out of nowhere, so i ran into the other room and grabbed paper and my moms liek WHATS WRONG and im like INSPIRATION!!!!..... and ran outside and started writing while sitting on the railing in the half-darkness.... and then more kept coming to me while i was doing dishes so id wash some, run over to the table with my hands dripping wet and sudsy and write more.... it was pretty cool. I love it when that happens your like oblivious to everything except whats going on inside your head....


and right now, i feel almost like im gonna puke. So im going to just focus on talking to people and being happy and making my tummy go to a happy place.

Love-
Monika
(no hugs and kisses cause you might get sick! *gasps*)