its.... coming....

im getting the flu (courtesy of my grandpa) and i can feel it coming... and I cant stop it. I hate that feeling. its like... i have approximately 12.3765 hours before I am miserable. So i eat a lot. its like... ill either be puking or sleeping or my throat will be too sore to eat so i eat while i can.
Its kind of like life you know... you know youre going to die (except for christians you wont be miserable youll go to heaven but still... just play along).... and so you should enjoy life. Focus on the thngs you CAN do instead of the things you "have" to do. Dont put things off. You know its coming but you arent positive of when so you just have to take it while you can. Dont get wrapped up in a mundane 14 hour a day 6 day a week poop job just for the money. The worlds like... GET THIS JOB BUY A BIG HOUSE AND A NICE CAR ANDGO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND GET MARRIED AND S/HE CAN GO TO WORK TOO HAVE KIDS AND MAYBE GO ON VACATION EVERY NOW AND THEN AND ITLL BE PERFECT... yyeeaah. plk (i just like spazzed and typed that, but it seems to fit).
So. That seems to be the topic of a lot of my blogs.
LIVE IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVE EVERYWHERE AND DO YOUR LAUDRY AT LAUDROMATS AND STOP FOR A FEW DAYS AND DO ODD JOBS FOR GAS AND FOOD MONEY. I was thinking the other day though, what of yuo met someone and they kept you parked in one town for awhile then you wanted to get married... whatre you going to say? Hey baby... you can live at my place. I know the back seats a little crowded, but all we need is love right? I get the right half the seat and you get the left. What? No you cant have the right. I drive im on the right side all the time i want the left sometime you know. I know thats where you feel comfortable, but its my car.
hee.
ah the wanderings of a sickness-dulled mind.

Love~
Monika

A test thinger that was fun... learn anything new?

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Monika Ruth
Birthday:	January 6th
Birthplace:	Elmira, NY
Current Location:	an 802 population town in NY (unfortunately)
Eye Color:	green
Hair Color:	dirty blondish ("dark ash blonde" is the name of the dye that almost exactly matches my hair)
Height:	5' 8 1/2"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	both
Your Heritage:	polish, irish, german
The Shoes You Wore Today:	converse mesh weapons
Your Weakness:	that certain look from a guy
Your Fears:	someone breaking my trust
Your Perfect Pizza:	tons of cheese and some pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	get a job
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	okay
Thoughts First Waking Up:	i can hit snooze one more time...
Your Best Physical Feature:	my eyes
Your Bedtime:	Insomniacs dont have a bedtime.
Your Most Missed Memory:	getting candy from a guy at my old church when i was little... he died of cancer
Pepsi or Coke:	neither. Dr Pepper or Mountain Dew.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Wendys
Single or Group Dates:	depends on how comfortable i am with the person
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	umm im not really sure
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate!
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappucino
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	when im by myself... yes. a lot.
Do you Sing:	when im by myself, or aroundmy family, I dont mind torturing them with singing!
Do you Shower Daily:	you bet
Have you Been in Love:	yeah
Do you want to go to College:	yes
Do you want to get Married:	sometime
Do you belive in yourself:	it depends... soemtimes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	not really, unless im reading for a long time in the car
Do you think you are Attractive:	no
Are you a Health Freak:	not really
Do you get along with your Parents:	my mom- yes, my dadd- not at all
Do you like Thunderstorms:	i love them... rain is my most favorite thing i think
Do you play an Instrument:	i have a guiatr that i mess around on, but i dont know anything that i should
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	just a lot of ibuprofen
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	as much of a date as yuo can have when youre trying not to get caught
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	...i honestly dont remember
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	i wish
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	nope
In the past month have you been on Stage:	the one in my church lol
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no, thankfully
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	its winter!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	no
Ever been called a Tease:	yeah lol
Ever been Beaten up:	not really
Ever Shoplifted:	when i was like 7
How do you want to Die:	i want to know its coming
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	a writer, a trucker, and a general world-wanderer
What country would you most like to Visit:	great britain! and australia, and...
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	one you can get lost in
Favourite Hair Color:	one that looks good on the person
Short or Long Hair:	longish... not preppy short but not ratty long
Height:	6' 2" is perfect
Weight:	not fat and not anorexic... painfully skinny guys scare me
Best Clothing Style:	the persons own sense of style is the best
Number of Drugs I have taken:	no comment lol... none just large doses of the regular kind
Number of CDs I own:	90+
Number of Piercings:	none
Number of Tattoos:	none, but ill have one someday
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	.....none. there are things i dwell on, but not that i regret.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Focus...

I hate it when people take advantage of things... like all the blogs out there that are just for advertising. It makes me a little mad, you know... blogs are for people to write about what theyre thinking and such, and not to make money, but thats all people want. I want to live in my car. exceot for maybe when i get married, and then i want to live in an apartment. The best things in life cant be bought with money, its really true. Thinks like seeing a truck get stuck under a bridge because it too tall, hearing i love you for the first time from someone, getting or achieving something youve waited for for a long time, being totally random, not caring what pther people think and being totally comfortable with yourself. So many people get wrapped up in their lives, and what they think they have to do, like their jobs and chores and things, and they lose sight of the little things that are what we do the other things to experience. We work so we can have a car so we can see different places and experience new things. When people forget that... i wish i could show them, and I hope that I never forget.

Love~
Monika =)

sweep me off my feet...

that feeling you get...

...when you see someone, and you can take your eyes off them
...when youre walking down the street, and someone smiles and says hello to you, and it puts a smile on your face
...when youre out with your friends and you know how lucky you are to have them
...when someones being really stupid
...when you get those shoes you really wanted
...when you just need a hug
...when someone does something little for you, like compliments you, brings you a cookie, holds open a door....
...when you really want to make someone jealous
...when you are so happy, you feel like youre floating, always brought on by a member of the opposite sex
...when you really really need something youre addicted to
...sneaking around
...when your friend tells you something that she hasnt told anyone
...when you realize that a day gone by is a day lost forever
...listening to the radio
...dancing when nobodies watching


...when he holds you closer than a whisper, and its just you and the dark, and you wish he never had to let go, and it could be like that forever, with his warmth and how good he smells and his strength, you feel so protected and safe, and you fit perfectly against him... and you just close your eyes and youre the only two people in the world...








Love~
Monika

eBay takes forever to load,,

hm.

*wonders where everyone is*

stupid myspace has stolen my readers. ah well. If a tree falls inthe forest and nobody's there to hear it, it still falls. Right? I feel for the trees now.

i have been unusually happy the past few days, I dont know what my problem is. I also have felt very... chubby. hm. an odd mix.

I hate it when people dont smile and freak out about little things and then theyre faces freeze into frown lines and it looks like it hurts them to smile. You know?


SMIILLEEE abd then make me smile more- leave a comment. 0 comments is making me sad...


Love~
Monika =)

And we sailed on.

yet another bitter, cynical day of spiteful comments and withdrawal in the life of monika.
who wants to hear about that?
F'ing 3 day weekends


Love-
Monika

I'm back from the dead...

...haha. I wouldnt really be suprised if someone actually claimed that soon, because of all the stupid things going on in the world... it makes me so mad. That whole Terry Schiavo thing? Doctors pledge to do everything they can to help people. She's alive, she's hung on this long, doesnt she deserve that? Her hearts still beating, its our job to keep it that way. And all her stupid husband wants is to be able to get married again. jerk.
And I read somewhere on FOX news that soon schools wont be able to afford books. Im assuming theyll have them on the computer to save money. and space. i feel bad for the kids who wont really get to revel in opening a new book, with a fresh story. somehow i dont think you get that same feeling from opening a new window on the computer.
And that sex offender... i mean theres nothing the cops could really do I guess just why are some people so flippin perverted. Kill a kid just for a little messing around. Ruin a life just for that. I dont understand.
And, by the time I can drive, I wont be able to pay for gas enough to get out of this stupid town I live in... thats something to look forward to.
On the positive side, now that I have everyone thoroughly depressed.
I have been working on my book some more, both editing and adding, and it still sucks. Ill finish up and eventually get it so that people can buy a real book copy of it if they really want. I also want to put together a collection of short stories, and I have an idea ofr another book. Its all coming along nicely. Someone big and important once said that it sure takes a long time to write a book, and its very true, thats for sure.
I hate it when everyones in a bad mood.
I hate it when people eat the food that im in the process of cooking. Tasting before its done.
I hate it when peoples faces freeze into permanent frown lines
I hate it when my computer's broken and I cant get on and blog, which happened all last week.
But gosh, I do love being back.

Love~
Monika =)

"Look at all the pretty levels"-- what kind of a title is that? I never wrote that.

(special thanks for the inspiration of this post goes to Donald)

I didnt know there was different levels of pointlessness, but apparently there is. Like everything else in america, different levels and sections and branches and variations. You cant even just have pants... theres flares, tapered, jeans, not jeans, all colors, weathered, cargo, lengths...... and dont even get me started on toothpaste and... well, everything. But who wouldve thought of pointlessness? i thought, if soemthing had no point, it had no point. period.
But alas, i was wrong.
while sitting on the floor of the school today for a good hour and a half, doing nothing quite well, and my friend donald is there, doing the same thing. he made a comment that it was pointless to go home, and i made a reply that sitting on the floor doing nothing was so much better? and that i supposed you just had to decide which was pointless with less work. Which pointlessness were you going to choose? And then it dawned on me... theres even choices when it comes to being pointless. And that mad eme think of other options that have many choices, which was a pointless train of thought... but still it ended up in this... well, very pointless blog entry. how profound this world is.

I have to go, but i chose to write this pointless entry rather than go and sit pointlessly in the chair in my room and stare at nothing.
dont you feel special in that pointless meaningless way that sometimes is?

Love~
Monika =) =) ( a pointless extra smiley! This could get fun)

And I realized that maybe if I put some clothes on...

Good evening, and welcome to Channel 569 news, youre most obscure and vague source for news at 3:12 AM. I'm Francesca...
And I'm Dick. Tonight on Channel 569 news...
F; A man was found rotting in a ditch. He appeared to have been there for several days.
D; He was discovered when an elderly woman who lived less than 30 feet from the ditch realized the smell that had been bothering her was not her dog.
*turns to new camera. Fake smile. Pause. Get on with it.*
F; The location for the 2047 Olympics is being debated next week in Utah. The choices are between two remote middle-east countries, the names of which we are not able to pronounce. Currently nobody can tell the difference between the two countries.
D; Are you the next to get canned? No, not by your boss. Forget the chicken flu, and mad cow, the latest concern among experts is the possibility of a virus getting into the canned goods systems. They say the chances of such a virus are very threatening.
"Next time," said Dr. Chew, a respected plastic surgeon "before you buy those canned beans, ask yourself if you're willing to take that 0.01% chance on your life. Is it worth it?"
F; Coming up next on Channel 569 news at 3;12 AM, the channel you didnt even know you had, and the news you new knew you got...
D; ...because you were sleeping.
F; We'll be bringing you the latest updates on...
D: ... Who shot Waldo? The popular cartoon character seems to have been found for the last time by a crazed stalker who was tired of tracking him down page after page.
F; A dog finds it's way home after 25 years. There's only one question... is it the same dog?
D; Man gets charged with arson for collecting fire insurance on a box of cigars after smoking them.
F; Babysitters revolting? Who'll watch the kids? Babysittings joining together to demand more reliable pay. "Who'd want to watch your kids for as little as you pay anyway?" they demand.

*commercials, thank heaven*