Don't you hate it when...

Dont you hate it when everything falls on you? The responsibilty, the blame, the fault, the reasons, the whole dumpster. Right on you. And you really didnt do anything, and it isnt your fault, but people just take advantage of you. I hate it so much when that happens. And i just want to beat the crap out of someone... but violence is not the answer............ so lately my tactic has been nothing. Dont make it worse. Make them shut the heck up. Dont say anything but what they want to hear. Dont talk back, dont defend yourself, dont get mad, dont show emotion. Just answer. They can tell youre pissed, but they dont have anything to go by to prove it to yell at you for. So they get mad, and they leave. usually. hopefully. because i am so tired of dealing with all of this. in case you cant tell, im talking mostly about at home in this case. maybe thats what my dadd wanted all along. To teach me to be his programmed robot. i dont care if he got his way... right now i just want him off my tail, leaving me alone, shutting his mouth. I cant deal with someone who wont listen to me. and it hurts... but i just nod... because if i try to stand up for myself, it only gets me in deeper, gets me more in trouble, for longer. And i just want whatever hes getting all mad about to be over, seeing as i cant avoid getting in trouble no matter what I do...
So right now, im going to leave. Im not going to say goodnight to him, and im going to go upstairs. Ill turn on my radio and just lay there, with no one yelling at me, backstabbing me, blaming me, or judging me. And it will be a beautiful thing.


Love~
Monika