I had a boy in my room (and i got in trouble for it)

Yeah my parents freaked that I had a guy in my room... even though the door was open. And there were kids upstairs. I wont mention any names (*cough* nate *cough*). But yeah, you can see the lack of trust there with my parents. Its either that or overprotectiveness.
Ill admit that my... whats the word... my "urge" to do something may have been heightened by the "chick flicks" me and amanda watched, like 'how to lose a guy in 10 days' and 'my best friends wedding'. They make me want a guy. very bad. uber bad. somebody thats special that really cares about me that i really care about. I am getting lonely and its its driving me insane. and yet, im scared to get into a relationship, because i dont want it to end bad, like the majority of all relationships do. Im also scared of getting a guy that i find i cant stand, or a guy just going out with me because im "there". Just using me to be able to say that he has a girlfriend, and so he cant technically not be 'lonely'. Theres bunches of guys out there like that. and girls too. Im not really like that, ill only go out with someone if i like them, even if it is only a little tiny bit. then i can see if liking them is killed by getting to know them better, or gets bigger. but its so hard to find someone that you like that likes you back, enough to take a chance and go out with you and really put some effort into staying together and showing each other that you care. dating is taken so lightly, i mean i guess most of it is because were in highschool, but im not really like everyone else, and so i dont really understand why they are the way they are.
And people that always have to be going out with someone... yikes. its mostly girls with that problem. they need someone or they feel worthless. well, that means you just need a break from guys to find out who you really are. if you just let every boyfriend decide who you are during that relationship...you dont have a personality for the guys who really mean something to like. They wont go out with you. youll end up with a string of guys who arent really that much worth remembering, because the relationship is either all physical, or barely there. because you dont care. You need to know a little bit of who you are, enough to hold your own in a relationship. I dont know that mush about myself, but i try not to turn into my boyfriend. you dont have to be exactly like them you know.
And then theres the parents again. I wont be able to really do anything if i go out with a guy from school, because my parents are paranoid that im going to do something stupid. just because i know a bunch of pregnant people doesnt mean its going to be me. and it wont trust me. I have limits, and morals and values. and i will stop before it gets to that point. :-) so dadd, if you ever read this, that is my promise lol.
and not doing anything until your married leads to the whole wedding thing. I think im a commitment phobe. I dont have a problem getting attached to a guy, but anything really long term... i either get restless, or scared, or 'how is this going to end', or 'its been way too long. i have to break up with him even though everything is going awesome, before he gets any more long term plans' and even 'this is too good'. i dont have that much experience really, but ive been like that. so ill probably not get married for a good long time, you know after going out the guy for years and really being in love and all that. and i am positively sure. i am an indecisive person, and im always scared i took the wrong choice, and if i picked something else it would have been so much better. that could be a problem later on.
ill stop rambling about my views now, i dont really know how much ive laid out for everyone to see and what kind of comments im going to get on this one, but there you are. heres my 762 word collection of most of my ideas about dating and such. i hope you enjoyed it, come back next time.

Love~
Monika =)