Emotional Baggage... more than just a carry-on

So your man lies to you (only you dont know it until later), gets a little, and then breaks up with you, and then walks away laughing, while youre cold and alone in the rain on bridge in the middle of the night with no way to get home and.... Okay, maybe not exactly , but you get what i mean.
Or the case where he loves you. We're not talking third-grade-give-each-other-candy or even seventh-grade-buy-a-cd love, or even first-kiss love. we're talking about love like weddings and babies and engraved silverware. theres just one problem. youre not feeling the love. sure youve got a great thign going but.... eh. you find yourself flirting (shamelessly) with that guy down at the corner. And then making out with him behind the gas station... just kdding. so you break up with the guy and feel a little guilty like you lead him on, but at the same time ecstatic, because theres that guy at the corner! yess!
And of course theres more... theres mutual breakups and mutually nasty breakups... but the two i mentioned are pretty... popular. And I knwo they happen to guys too im not descriminating, its just easier to write from my perspective on thing slike this sometimes. It still applies, just reverse the genders you know.
every ended relationship comes with its own little... baggage. I wish someone had told me, so i couldve been ready for the bad full-of-bricks heavy baggage. some of it is awesome and light but some of it... isnt. When i realized how long term some of this stuff lasts... i thought baout it a lot. I mean you learn something new from every relationship or almost relationship, or develop tendencies and natures that you didnt have. They shape you and how you are in later relationships.
From the guy that broke up with you and treated you like poop... you learn to protect yourself... and be scared of what guys are going to do. you get mistrustful, literally building a wall around your emotions, not letting yourself go for other guys so hard... not believing what they say. This can push guys away, guys that would be wonderful... but youre scared to let yourself believe that.
Fromt he guy that moved fast you realize the goodness of anticipation, and taking things slow, and how much you want to wait and not get married for a long time. And how it can be a good thing. and how not to let guys push you into things you dont want, you have the right to have a say... its the rest of your life too and even though he loves you... dont let him talk yourself into loving him because youll realize, too late, that you dont love him. and youre stuck with it. you learn to really look at how you feel early on. let things develop for you. if the guy flies by you moving way faster it isnt going to work, you have to be going at the same pace...
and you remember the things you learn, and you hold them close and they make the next time even better, because you are just searching in the dark how to do it, you know. you have your eyes wide open.
dont shut them
i wish peoplr had told me this stuff, but i just had to learn it. maybe youll benefit... i hope so.


Love~
Monika =)